Aug 31, 2018
If your marriage doesn’t experience conflict you may be headed for trouble. This sounds like an oxymoron. Avoiding conflict or dealing with disagreements may lead to resentment and deeper hurt.
Patrick Lencioni says "Great relationships are built on the ability to disagree". He speaks about doing conflict well in his presentation of The 5 Dysfunctions of a Team:
When share our struggle or our issue with our spouse in a healthy way, we allow the relationship to grow. The healthiest and strongest relationships disagree, argue or maybe even have a bad day of tension with limited communication. But they make an effort of preserving the marriage by taking through the issues and keeping them from growing roots of resentment.
Here are 5 steps to dealing with conflict:
1-Take ownership. It’s easy to point the finger and find fault. The least you can do is begin by accepting your feelings. For example: “I feel sad/disappointed/ confused, etc. about what happened earlier today.”
2-Don’t fester. Get it out in the open as soon as possible. This may mean talking with your spouse but we’ve had days where it’s been very hard to have even a small window to speak. If so, here are other options to getting the issue out of your head: pray, journal, call a trusted friend or mentor. Text or leave a note- with caution.
3-Let it go- Now that you’ve taken responsibility and some action, it’s time to move on and let it go. Forgive your spouse.
The way to make conflict a natural part of your marriage is by taking it seriously but dealing with it swiftly and casually if possible. This is called normalizing. Good marriages have conflict regularly and in a healthy way.